Movies That Remain Unchanged If The Heroes Did Nothing

Luke SkywalkerA little while back, The Big Bang Theory ruined everyone’s view of Raiders of the Lost Ark when Amy Farrah Fowler tells Sheldon Cooper that Indiana Jones doesn’t matter in the movie.  People’s minds were blown because she was correct.  If you look at water in a brook, you know that it always finds the path of least resistance. If you put a rock in the way, the water goes around it or over it. It is as if the rock has no real determination in the outcome of the water’s progression. The same holds true for the heroes in these fan favorite movies. If they hadn’t been in the movie, would the final result have been much different? Is their existence that important? Let me know what you think…

 

 

The Watchmen

THE MOVIE: THE WATCHMEN (2009)

This movie is about a group of older superheroes living in an alternative America timeline in the mid-1980s. While there are six main superheroes in all, the story focuses mainly on Night Owl and Rorschach who are seeking the person responsible for the death of one of their comrades, the Comedian. Throughout the movie, this duo goes step by step looking for clues. When they finally confront the villain of the movie, he has already committed his master plan and there is nothing they can do to stop him. Their entire role in the movie is just to move the story along. They have no impact on the outcome whatsoever.

 

 

Kickass

THE MOVIE: KICKASS (2010)

This superhero movie is about a normal guy, Dave Lizewski, who decides what the world really needs is a superhero. So, he becomes the masked crusader, Kickass. In his adventures, he is beaten, stabbed, and finally meets up with two real heroes known as Big Daddy and Hit Girl. Together, they take on the D’Amico family mob. Honestly, though, other than saving a cat and stopping a guy from being killed while taking the beating of a life, Kickass is completely ineffective. He can’t really do anything worthwhile and I would say that his very presence causes the real superhero, Big Daddy, to be killed. Had he not been involved, Big Daddy and his sidekick daughter would have easily taken out the D’Amico family on their own. Kickass’ presence can also be blamed on creating the super-villain, Red Mist, who would have been kept out of the family business had it not been for him.

 

Marathon Man

THE MOVIE: MARATHON MAN (1976)

This Dustin Hoffman movie is considered to be a great suspense movie, but Dustin Hoffman didn’t really have to run that much or even be in the movie for that matter. He has no purpose in the film other than to get tortured by a very paranoid war criminal (played by Lawrence Olivier) for something his brother might have told him. Basically, the plot is about this ex-Nazi trying to collect a large diamond collection taken from the Jews who were sent to Auschwitz during World War Two. In the end, Hoffman runs a lot, but doesn’t get the diamonds and the Nazi dies. Hoffman runs again in the closing scenes…

 

 

Harry Potter

THE MOVIE: HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE (2001)

The Harry Potter series is a wonderful children’s series, but the first movie could of left out Harry Potter all together. Harry is a young wizard who is being abused by his normal human foster parents. He is taken to a magical school where he meets some lifelong friends and they have some adventures. While there, he becomes entangled in a sinister plot to take the Sorcerer’s Stone. The villain in this plot is the Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Quirrell. While Harry does stop Quirrell from getting the Sorcerer’s Stone, it is completely unnecessary. The stone can only be found by someone who doesn’t want to use it. Because of this, Quirrell could still be looking for it today if Harry had not got involved in the mystery in the first place. Lord Voldemort would have had to look for some other way to get back to the living. Harry Potter should have received 1000 demerits for putting his nose into Hogwart’s business.

 

 

Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi

THE MOVIE: STAR WARS – THE RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)

Who doesn’t love the Star Wars trilogy (the first series, not the ones with that stupid Jar Jar Binks)? Unfortunately, the entire plot line of the third movie was irrelevant. The plot is simple. The rebels have to blow up the second, incomplete Death Star which is protected by a shield generator stationed on the forest moon of Endor.  To blow up this shield, they send an attack squad to land on Endor and fight their way to the shield generator, which is this giant machine sticking up out of the moon’s landscape. Of course, most of the main cast (Luke, Leia, Han, Chewy, C3PO, and R2D2) are the ones that are chosen for the ground assault. Meanwhile, Lando Calrissian, piloting the Millennium Falcon, has to lead the attack on the Death Star. I have a couple of problems with this movie. First, why did the Rebels send the only person in the Galaxy who had actually blown up a Death Star down to fight in a ground battle? Wouldn’t he have been of better use – I don’t know – blowing up another Death Star? Secondly, why did they have to send in a ground assault team at all? I mean, they have ships that we know from the second movie can land on a planet (Note: Luke landing his X-Wing fighter on Dagobah) and just blow the thing off the map? I mean, wouldn’t that have been easier than having to ride flying motorcycles and having blaster fights?