Guys Guide: Stopping Smelly Toilets The Green Way
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I have been told my toilet smells. I’d like to rationalize the fact to “I don’t want to use toxic chemicals that could hurt the pets...” but that’s only a partial truth. The real reason is because I am lazy when it comes to stopping smelly toilets. Not messy, mind you. Just really, REALLY lazy. Looking back on my previous living arrangements I found that the only way my bathroom was ever cleaned was because (a) I had a mother, (b) we had new pledges at the Fraternity House, or (c) I had a gracious girlfriend/or maid who cleaned my bathroom. I know. I’m a pig...Nevertheless, I still have pets and I care about them, so how do I clean my bathroom without harming my furry children? Here are five steps to accomplishing this, even though it gives me more work.
THE INGREDIENTS
When looking to clean your bathroom you have two choices in a toilet cleaner. The first are toxic chemicals shipped from overseas that will probably give you cancer and would most likely kill an antelope (let alone you dog or cat) or you could use something natural that works just as well. Yeah, I chose the latter, too... Grab a box of baking soda and some lemon juice. Mix this together into a paste about the consistency of pancake mix. Do not eat.
WHAT TO DO NEXT
Soak an old rag in water and wring out. Don’t use your best towel (or ONLY towel if you are a bachelor). You are not going to want it back. Start spreading the paste around the base of the toilet. Go all the way around the toilet. If you drink a lot and forget to turn the bathroom light on at night, you might want to do the same with the clothes hamper. Who am I kidding? You don’t have a clothes hamper.
IT’S TIME FOR A BEER
Once you are done spreading the paste around the toilet, it is time to crack open a beer. For the love of God, wash your hands, first! Let the paste sit for about fifteen minutes while you are drinking your beer. You might be able to catch part of the game while you are waiting, too. It won’t matter. This stuff isn’t going to kill anyone or eat away your toilet. Let’s assume you won’t be back until after a nap. That’s most likely longer than fifteen minutes.
TIME TO GO BACK
Once you wake up from your nap, it’s time to go back to the bathroom. By this time, the baking soda-lemon mixture has dried. Now take a bottle of white vinegar and put it in a spray bottle. Spray the paste with the vinegar. If it starts fizzling, you are doing it right. Make sure you spray all of it. When it is done fizzling, clean it up with the damp rag.
BE THOROUGH
Let’s face it. You probably can’t aim worth a s#!t. While you are cleaning the base of the toilet, you might as well hit the walls floor, and anything else that might get hit with the spray. Not only will it end up with your bathroom smelling fresh and clean, your pets will be safe, and you might get a girl to visit your place more than once. Hope these tips help and welcome to becoming a responsible adult!
