5 Dangerous Gifts To Give Children This Holiday
One of the joys of not having children is that you get to spoil other people's kids. There is nothing more amusing as to listen to the child's squeal of joy and seeing their parent's face tighten up knowing that you probably just bought their child a ticket to the emergency room on December 26th. Seriously, you hope that the children will be all right, but that feeling of dread you just gave someone in your family just makes me chuckle. I think I got this dark humor from my grandfather who was notorious for knowing the gifts that I thought were awesome, but helped to push my parents over the brink. As I remember, he came back from Italy one year with a spiked ball-and-chain and a crossbow that actually shot steel tipped bolts. I think I was nine. My poor sister ended up in the emergency room with that power duo. I caught her in the shoulder with a back swing. Ahhh, the folly of youth... If you enjoy torturing your adult relatives, as I do, here is a list of Dangerous Gifts To Give Children in your family.
DRUM SET
There is nothing like the sound of drums at six o' clock in the morning on the day after Christmas. The rat-a-tat-tat of the snare, the pounding of the bass drum and the crash of the cymbal do wonders for a hangover caused by too much egg nog. While the gift itself isn't too dangerous, the chance that someone will be grounded for life by the end of the day is quite high. Plus that, think of all the fun when a drum stick gets loose and flies into a ceiling fan or goes through a window? For added effect, you might want to set up the drum set for the young relative ahead of time to ensure your older cousin or sibling doesn't put off the construction until after the holidays. Tell them you are interested in helping the children along in their musical growth. If you want to add a little originality to this gift, you can substitute the drums for a tuba...
BB GUN
A classic gift from the movie, "A Christmas Story". You know the one where you'll "Put your eye out!". I got my first Red Ryder BB Gun from my father for my 7th birthday. In all fairness, you need to instruct the child the proper way to respect the gun because someone could really get hurt. I would be the last person to want to see a child be hurt with a BB Gun, but it didn't stop me from buying twin boys their first guns at the age of 10. The joy on their parent's faces was pure bliss although I would not have liked to have been a cat or bird around that house for the first year...
LAWN DARTS
They actually don't make these anymore, but if you find them in a garage sale somewhere, make sure you buy them immediately. Somewhere, along the line of our human existence, someone decided that putting a spearhead on plastic stabilizing quills, adding a handle and telling kids to throw them into the air was a good idea! Actually, it was a GREAT idea! These suckers, also known as Jarts, were pretty heavy and in the hands of children it is a wonder that more people didn't die. Picture death raining down to the cries of ecstatic children...
BULLWHIP
This was an actual gift that I received for Christmas from my grandfather when I was in 8th grade. As you can imagine, an eighth grader with a twelve foot bullwhip can get himself into a lot of trouble. And I did. The first night I had the bullwhip, my father and grandfather tried to show me the proper way to use the bullwhip. One quick crack of the whip and it cut through my dress pants leaving a welt on my leg. I would go on to break things with the whip and to get into trouble when I brought it to school. I can just see my grandfather smiling with glee...
SLEDS
How bad can a sled be? It's a timeless, classic toy that every child has had. What are you really giving the child? A mode of transportation that travels over ice and snow without a means of brakes or steering. Have parents ever read Ethan Frome? It's a turn-of-the-twentieth century story by Edith Wharton in which a young couple ride one of these toys-of-doom into a tree leaving them both paralyzed for life. Sound like JUST the gift for Christmas! If your children survive the sled, maybe they will one day graduate to the luge....it's safe, too!
Yeah I agree with you. But I think nowadays, nobody will think these kind of gift. I think, children are wanted to have a new gadget like Ipad this Christmas.