Five “Expert” Halloween Tips (Part 1)
Halloween is just around the corner and our friend Rick has come up with some expert “rules” for you to make the most out of this holiday. They won’t keep you out of the hospital, but hey, those are just self-preservation ideas made up by litigious-scared bureaucrats who want everything to be “safe” and “politically correct”. Who needs that? Here are five ways to make this a FUN holiday. (Disclaimer: This article is made for amusement purposes only. If you’re dumb enough to do some of these suggestions, you are just another Darwin Award winner waiting for a prize.)
THE PREPARATION
Make sure NOT to eat anything ALL DAY on Halloween! Save as much room as possible for all that delicious, sugar-laden, nutritious and tasty candy! If your blood sugar starts to dip and you need a quick energy boost during the Trick-or-Treating process, you've got some candy right in front of you! Eat some and continue on your way.
TRICKING AND TREATING
Pay no attention to the "official" time that Trick-or-Treating begins. This "rule" is usually enacted by lame jerks who don't know crap...obviously the same fools who think that Trick-or-Treating should fall on a day that is NOT Halloween. They're all like "Trick-or-Treating will be from 6:00 - 7:00 pm. Blah blah blah..." This is wrong on so many levels, it hurts. Yeah, let's Trick-or-Treat with the stupid sun shining brightly overhead! Good idea, dad! Whatever... The BEST time to go out is under the cover of darkness, at about 9:00 pm. This way, you will scare people. That's what Halloween is all about! That, and those delicious treats referred to in the first step.
MASK TIP
Make sure there are eye holes cut in your mask, but not TOO big, because big eye holes look stupid. Try to make them as small as you can so that it doesn't look like there are any eye holes! The best way to cut sufficient eye holes is to put on your mask and find out where the eye holes should be. Then, with the mask still on, use an X-acto blade or sharp knife to cut away the mask around your eyeballs. Do it quickly. You won't cut yourself...
REMEMBER: BIGGER = BETTER
The bigger your costume, the cooler it will look and the more candy you will score. Also, try to add a bunch of hanging pieces to your costume, because that will look bitchin'. So, now that you have your huge costume with lots of loose, hanging parts, it's time to run around the neighborhood as fast as you can. Also, if your costume looks better without shoes - ditch them. Don't be such a baby about it.
COSTUME SAFETY
If your costume requires the use of a scythe or a pitchfork or some kind of weapon...the key here is REALISM. Go for the real item! If you don't have the actual metal weapon, and instead you have a plastic novelty version, try to sharpen the tips of the plastic so that they still do some level of damage.
Submitted By Rick Vodicka
www.rickvodicka.com
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i don’t think i’ll be trying that xacto knife trick any time soon!!
pansy
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[...] Price: View Sale Price In part one of this post, we started you on some tips for making the most of your Halloween from our expert, Rick. [...]