5 Best People to Have on Your Side in a Bar Fight

OK, so I don’t get into too many bar fights (none?) but if the fight goes down I want only the best people beside me.  So who can will it be?  Here’s my list:

1. Chuck Norris – Who else?  The internet has been praising the roundhouse kick of this guy for years!  Chuck can’t be killed.  Having him on my side is a guarantee win for the good guys!  You cannot lose with Chuck Norris watching your back.  He makes a half-way decent wingman, too.

2.  Batman – By my way of thinking, not only do you get the caped crusader on your side when the chips fall, but he’s buying drinks all night as his alter-ego, billionaire-self,  Bruce Wayne.  If a fight breaks out, he drops his mask, shoots out the bat-arang and we all go back to dancing the night away and partying with our dates.

3. Jackie Chan – OK, I already have Chuck Norris and Batman, so the fight is over before it starts, but with the addition of Jackie Chan, everything not nailed down is now a unique weapon to be used in my defense.  Jackie Chan can turn padded barstools into soft, non-lethal punching bags, turn out shot glasses at the speed of a machine gun, and kill with bendy-straws and drink umbrellas.  This guy has to be on my side because I don’t want him against me!

4. Kelly “The Ghost” Pavlik – The guy is a great boxer, heralds from my hometown area,  and let’s face it – he’s awesome!  Kelly has fists of lightning, people don’t like to mess with him and from his interviews, I think he’d be great to hang out with at the bar in between pugilistic interruptions.

5. Jesus – I am not getting all religious on you here, but the guy walks on water, if the bar runs out of booze all they need to do is turn on a spigot and voila!  They have wine!  He’s the real deal on this bar scene.  More importantly, from what has been said about him, if anybody gets the drop on me or the other four, he can raise us from the dead!  Just ask Lazarus!